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The Beast lumbers along beside me always.

She’s been there – oh, ever since about age 24. She’s the To-Do List that runs off the page. She’s a million errands. She’s the partially finished project scattered on the kitchen table.

She’s the stab of guilt every time my eyes fall on a pile of dust bunnies under the couch, or the caked-on grime along the edge of the bathroom baseboard.

The busy beast isn’t very friendly.

She yells, “Go, go, go! Faster! What about that stuff you said you’d do yesterday?”

“How much did you get done today?” she sneers as I brush my teeth in preparation for bed.

The busy beast thinks exercise is a waste of precious time. And she tries all sorts of tricks to talk me out of my morning meditation and writing practice.

“You already slept later than you planned,” she chides me. “You’d better get right to work, you can always meditate later after you’ve accomplished something.”

The busy beast worships accomplishment. It’s like a god to her. When accomplishments pile up they please her, like  notches on the bedpost of a young bachelor.

But it’s never enough, even before an accomplishment is crossed off the list the busy beast is adding more.

Pleasing the busy beast is a little like running on a treadmill that keeps going faster and faster. She turns it up higher and higher, but then I can’t run any more. I have to jump off and I haven’t met the target.

I’m ready to bid goodbye to the busy beast.

Nothing against getting things done. I’ve got goals. I’m aiming high.

Yet, some funny things have been happening in recent weeks.

It took a while, but now that I’m claiming those morning moments for meditation and writing, I’m noticing a surge of creative energy. I’m getting more done in less time. There’s a new type of fuel, and it’s not the barking commands of the busy beast.

Now, I know she’s not just going to slink away meekly. We’ve been merged for a lot of years now. But I’m getting some moxie now. I’m beginning to stand up to the busy beast.

The last time she sternly reminded me about all the people who are working so much harder than me, I just stuck my tongue out. I went upstairs, away from my office, and began to cut out images to craft a Vision Board.

The busy beast was scandalized! “It’s the middle of the day on a weekday,” she screamed!

But I held my ground. Just gave her the cold shoulder. Actually I gave her the finger.

And guess what? Vision board is still a work in progress – but after a few sessions of pointedly ignoring the busy beast’s frantic waving of the To-Do list I felt a shift deep inside. A tightly closed bud making the most miniscule movement toward unfurling.

Enough of an opening to tell me this: 

It’s the Being that nourishes the Doing.

We’ve got a ways to go. The busy beast and I are at a stand off now. She still doesn’t get it.

But soon, quite soon, perhaps we will make peace with each other.

Beast drawing via Dreamstime